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From Doing to Being

What a whirlwind the last five months have been – buying and moving into our first home, undertaking and living in a small renovation, growing our first child, all while navigating a busy work schedule.

We are extremely relieved to have been extracted from the day to day realities of the mid-pandemic housing market – predatory real estate agents and practices, relentless hunting, overwhelming competition, excruciating evaluation of personal suitability versus actual value, saccharine offer letters and depressing rejections. In total we viewed 43 homes with our 17th offer being accepted. Gruelling.

What is not immediately obvious about renovating is that it requires a decision regarding e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. In the kitchen, that’s the layout, materials, appliances and fixtures, but also the colour of the grouting, lighting locations, type of cupboard handles, the design, quantity and height of electrical switches, et al. Many decisions are related to the intuitive functionality, rather than aesthetic feel, of the space – that is they’re really critical to making a space ‘work’. Multiply that swath of decisions by however many rooms you’ve been brave enough to tackle. So there is the physical work of construction (which we mostly outsourced) but also the mental work of conceptualisation.

Having survived the process I can, with knowing tongue in cheek, understand how some couples are completely broken by it or end up in therapy. Despite our share of painful conversations, M and I eventually came to recognise, and respect, that our differences establish a healthy equilibrium – where he is pragmatic with the ability to visualise things easily, maintaining the momentum of decision-making at the risk of an occasional wrong call, where I am more idealistic, reliant on samples to consider every possible variable to avoid making the wrong call, at the risk of delaying work. Toward the end, if it wasn’t urgent M gave me the space to deliberate, and if it was urgent I communicated any immediate concerns or simply let it go.

One other learning was just how much can go wrong. As experienced designers we expected hiccups… but not quite so many, or by so many different suppliers. Like the toilet flush plate, which was first mounted incorrectly by the builders, then once installed flushed excessively long (the store had paired a newer facade with an older mount) and had to be looked at by the brand specialist who managed to solve the problem but in the meantime fractured the glass plate, posting out a wrong replacement model, until finally the correct model was sent and installed successfully by M. Or the kitchen countertop, where the stone supplier discontinued the material we had selected, but failed to let the kitchen designer know, instead sending a substitute with an entirely different finish and colour. So here we are, 9 May and 16 weeks since our somewhat small renovation began and not a single room is 100% complete. Of course some element of global supply chain woes, price hikes and staff shortages related to the pandemic and its economic fallout have played a part in adding to the chaos.

Living in the renovation no doubt added to our burden. And while it was somewhat naive of us, it was also extremely practical (four months of rent and mortgage after home buying fees and renovation costs and before accommodating a child? No thanks). But for sure I did not think through the jeopardy of being 24 weeks pregnant and having both loos out of action, ducking regularly to our local supermarket for relief. Or having to be showered and dressed by 7am to avoid being caught in a towel by a builder. Or having to traipse up and down two flights of stairs between the attic (with prep space, sink and chairs) and the garage/garden (with fridge, oven and BBQ) to cook a meal. It was tough-going. And our naïveté was probably for the better, I’m not sure we would have otherwise had the stamina.

And all this while pregnant(!). Most first mums I know were extremely disciplined (healthy eating, vitamins, walking, yoga, pelvic floor exercises, etc.) and well prepared (reading, courses, baby’s room ready months in advance) in their first pregnancy. Which is maybe how I can shape a second pregnancy! Given the circumstances, M and I are extremely fortunate that things have thus far been pretty uncomplicated, made up in phases of very ‘normal’ symptoms*. And we’re also very lucky that baby did not feel compelled to arrive early. I’ve been on maternity leave since 4 April, five weeks ahead of my due date, which seems generous but at that point we were still packed up in 20+ boxes and yet to paint, let alone being physically or emotionally ready to welcome a newborn.

At some point during our house hunt I miserably complained to my mum, ‘I just want to get on with my life!’. To which she replied, ‘But this is life’. Touché, mum. Since we packed up our London home back in September 2020 it has been a wild ride. Most significantly, I’ve gained a deeper awe and love for my husband, as we’ve been exposed to experiences where I’ve had better insight into just how capable and committed he is. Simultaneously, it has definitely felt like eighteen long months with our belongings in boxes and personal interests on hold. With baby’s arrival, whenever that might be, we are ready to slow down and just enjoy ‘being’ for awhile.

*my experience of an ‘uncomplicated’ pregnancy included: tiredness, loss of focus, loss of breath, blood noses, foot cramps, fainting, back pain, Melasma (pregnancy mask), sciatica pain, heartburn, swollen ankles, choking on my own spit, snoring (M loved this one) and increased blood pressure, among other things.

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Dina’s Eggs

Roughly around week 6-8 of pregnancy, for two weeks and two weeks only, I craved any and all food that registered on my sensory radar. From the Jacket Potato that appeared in The Morning to the crisp memory of Dina’s eggs, served during our stay at Casa da Dina in Alentejo’s countryside. While waiting for Dina to kindly email through her recipe I tried out the first decent looking search result for Mexican eggs.

But Dina’s eggs are next level. They’re way richer and jammier due to the reduction of the tomatoes, creating a simple chutney of sorts which is then finally added to the eggs alongside jalapeño and fresh coriander. Recipe below, as shared by Dina.

So, here it goes:

The tomato sauce

  • 1–1.5kg tomatoes (good ones, plum or any other kind as far as they are ripe. Cut them in quarters or smaller. I peel them, but not totally. You can leave some skin on)
  • 800g  white onions cut in quarters (if too large cut the quarters in half)
  • 2 cloves of garlic
  • olive oil
  • salt

In a pot (I use a wok) start with the olive oil, generous amount, then make a layer of tomato, followed by a layer of onions and  garlic. Repeat the layers until you run out of all the ingredients. Add the salt and turn on the stove. When it starts boiling lower the heat and cover the pot. Let it boil slowly for 40 minutes to an hour. And it is ready. Taste it to make sure the salt is good. It reduces a lot and you will see a lot of liquid.

You can make abundant tomato sauce and freeze it in small portions. This way you can eat your Mexican eggs anytime you feel like it and faster. You may use the sauce also in stews, etc. etc.

Now the eggs:

  • 2–4 eggs
  • 1 jalapeño (it depends on the size of the chili and the amount of eggs you are making. For both of you I think half is good)
  • 1.5tbsp  chopped coriander leaves (half of this amount goes on the frying pan the other half over the eggs once they are done and on the plate)
  • 3 tbs tomato sauce

On a frying pan pour a little bit of olive oil. Add the 3 tablespoons of the tomato, the coriander and the chopped jalapeño. Let it fry till the water from the tomato sauce evaporates (or else the eggs will turn really mushy and ugly). Pour the eggs on and make them to your taste. Once on the serving plate it is time for the rest of the coriander.